Peace & Perspective

Living in Peace by having the right perspective. Peace – ˈpēs Noun: Freedom from strife; a state of tranquillity or serenity. Perspective – per·spec·tive – pərˈspektiv – Noun: A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.


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Karma is not for Christians

I always cringe when I see Christians posting on Karma. Karma has nothing to do with God. Karma is a theological concept found in the Buddhist and Hindu religions. That fact alone should make Christians run but why do I see so many Christians wishing “Karma” on others or seeking any form of revenge?

First, as Christians, Karma is the last thing we should want on those who have betrayed or hurt us. Sure, our flesh may want revenge and for them to feel the same pain they caused us, but as Christians, we are to die to our flesh and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us with humility. Once you do that, your flesh takes a back seat and the Holy Spirit takes over and you begin to recognize the root cause of the lost soul who hurt you and how desperately they are in need of healing and prayer.

The Holy Spirit within us prompts our hearts to want the best for others – despite… Despite the pain they’ve caused, despite the betrayal, despite the unfairness. This is a great test to see where our level of spiritual maturity is. Wishing revenge or karma on someone who’s hurt you is a telltale sign of the level of your spiritual maturity.

  • Those with no spiritual maturity will wish karma and seek revenge upon those who have hurt them and will be at peace with that decision.
  • Those who are infants in spiritual maturity will wish karma and revenge on others but will feel that Holy Spirit nudge and know it’s not right to wish revenge on anyone and do their best to withdraw from these feelings.
  • Those who are growing in their spiritual maturity will reluctantly but obediently pray for the best outcome for those who have hurt or betrayed them. It’s difficult for them but they still do it and in doing it, they continue to grow spiritually and God rewards them for their obedience in giving them peace in the matter.
  • And lastly, those who are fully spiritual mature will have an automatic instinct to pray for someone that has wronged them and their heart will hurt for them because they have the discernment to know how badly they are in need of saving and inner healing that can only come from prayer and intercession. There is no wish to do them harm and all they desire is to see them healed and whole again. Because someone who is healed and whole cannot and does not hurt others.

Scripture is very clear that if we are walking the path of righteousness – not our righteousness but His, God will always vindicate us. I find comfort knowing that He knows my heart and my intentions always and I don’t have to explain anything to Him because He already knows and I can rest in that.

Patiently waiting for God to vindicate us means we must trust in His timing and that is very difficult. It means He alone will bring truth to light and expose darkness without any effort from us.

We must remain obedient and silent, not seeking to vindicate ourselves while we wait. We must understand and recognize that through the waiting, He is doing a work in everyone involved, including us and by being obedient, He will vindicate those who are walking in His righteousness and He alone will deal with those who are not. This brings me peace.

Once you have reached this peaceful realization that the bad behavior of others has nothing to do with you (assuming you’ve done some self-reflection and have owned your part of any conflict), give it to God and just wait. Soon peace will come, not by wishing punishment on whoever hurt you, but because you know a greater power is in charge of the situation and you can finally let go of all the exhausting effort in vindicating yourself. By waiting, trusting, and handing it over to God, you’ll not only receive righteous vindication, but it will be the sweetest form of justice you will ever receive without one bit of effort from you.

Take it from me because this is where I am now, receiving Godly favor in all areas of my life. Be sure to recognize what vindication may look like…sometimes it’s not as obvious as you have envisioned it. Vindication may be good health, good fortune, wonderful children, a blessed marriage, peaceful and joyful living, restoration of your reputation, or the emergence of new, Godly friends. Just be sure to recognize the blessings in your life…they are God’s favor for your obedience.

Psalm 17:2
Let my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right.

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! If this blog has helped in any way, please share with others.


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Drop The Rope!

In a previous blog of mine, “Conflict,” (https://peaceperspectiveblog.wordpress.com/2016/03/11/conflict/) I wrote: “Did you know you have a choice of how to respond to a conflict contrary to your instinctive reactions to participating in it and making it worse? Seems like a silly question, but I think that many of us feel that when conflict arises we must initially fight back at the same level, contribute to the nastiness, and participate in the escalation in order for our viewpoint to be heard. How refreshing to know that we don’t have to do this.”

Before I even heard the term, “drop the rope,” at times, I was already doing it without being aware of the concept.

However, at times I didn’t drop the rope. I felt compelled to continue on with battles filled with utter nonsense. Battles which should have never been battles to begin with and I fought them until the point of mental exhaustion. Years ago, I was completely unaware of the diabolical dynamics of each bizarre encounter I was engaged in. My mind could not, would not, and still does not process the level of insanity of which I had to reason with. Each encounter left me baffled and emotionally drained.

In my futile attempt to comprehend why someone doesn’t understand the basic fundamentals of common sense, common courtesy, and basic human decency, I had an immense desire to do whatever I could to instill logic into an illogical situation. I kept playing till it made me crazy. I couldn’t understand why nothing ever got resolved despite offering every ounce of compromise, peace, and kindness in the spirit of reconciliation and unity.

Then…there came a day when the heavens opened, the light shined and everything became abundantly clear. I stumbled upon a friend’s Facebook post on narcissism and was curious and there it was! The very first article I read told me everything I needed to know and I finally learned what I was dealing with. When that moment hit, I knew once and for all that no matter what I did, what I said, or how I did anything, it was never going to be enough and I’d never win. That is when I learned to “drop the rope.”

In healthy relationships, dropping the rope is easy as neither side desires for a conflict or disagreement to escalate to the point that it threatens a friendship or relationship. Each side attempts to practice an innate self-control and would never overstep boundaries to intentionally hurt the other person. They are well aware that to begin verbally and personally attacking the other person with dialogue that has nothing to do with what is being discussed is completely unacceptable and will no doubt lead to dissension. They understand that whatever is being discussed is certainly not worth jeopardizing a friendship or relationship. Disagreements end when both sides respectfully agree to disagree and the moment is over. Notice I said respectfully agree to disagree. Ending a heated conversation with a series of demands, insults, threats, and punishment is not respectfully agreeing to disagree. It’s bullying.

In healthy relationships, both sides are subconsciously “dropping the rope” because it’s a natural instinct in good, decent people who do not want to fight and understand people are allowed to have a different viewpoint.

However, when you are involved in a conflict or disagreement with a toxic person, it is important that you quickly recognize when you are in a situation that is unresolvable. Not because you are unwilling to resolve issues, but the other party is unwilling. Their main goal is control and they refuse to respectfully accept your point of view while demonstrating authority over you.

So, what exactly is dropping the rope? It’s a beautiful mental tool to utilize when conflicts arise and how to keep yourself peaceful. Think of the old-school game of “tug of war.” If one team should “drop the rope” in the middle of the game, what happens? The game is over. In the case of tug of war, the team that dropped the rope loses. However, the exact opposite is the case when you drop the rope in any conflict. The person who drops the rope wins!

The concept of “dropping the rope” simply means you refuse to continue to engage in an argument that is bouncing back and forth with no end in sight. You assess the situation and determine that is not resolving and getting too heated. Rather than escalating the conflict further by continuing to contribute to it, you calmly diffuse the situation by changing the subject or ending the argument altogether. You do your part to achieve peace for both you and the other party.

Notice I said your goal is to achieve peace for both you and the other party. It’s not meant to be a demonstration of your dominance over the disagreement. When done correctly and lovingly, it is good for both parties. However, with an unhealthy person, even this will look like conflict as they manipulate your good intentions to peacefully end an argument with accusing you of something more sinister. This is confirmation that you are in a no win situation and now dropping the rope not only means ending the argument but departing from their company.

So yes! You are winning because by dropping the rope, you have just achieved peace for you regardless of whether or not the other party does their part in dropping the rope! You have sent a clear message that you wish to no longer engage in a conversation going nowhere and your relationship and your peace are more important that proving a point. You are wise enough to recognize the unreasonable nature of the other party to not accept opposing views and you are doing yourself a huge favor by ending your part in it.

If you dropping the rope and walking away for your peace makes them think they won, so be it! Make it a goal to get to the point where winning means you are secure in your convictions, you no longer need to provide extensive explanations for your beliefs and peace is your ultimate goal.

I wish I had paid more attention to the many red flags warning me things were not right long ago instead of justifying them. I didn’t understand the complexity of what I was dealing with and either tried to reason my way to resolution with each unique scenario to no avail or complied (submitted) for the sake of peace. Dropping the rope is not complying or submitting, it’s recognizing you’re in a no-win situation and your peace is more important.

So my friends, whether you are involved with a narcissist or merely stating your political opinions, when discussions begin to turn into verbal and personal attacks, everything you say is twisted into something you never intended and is now being used against, you are unable to defend your stance or attempt to shut down the most mind-boggling incomprehensible dialogue, do yourself a huge favor and drop the rope!


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The Repercussions of Denial and How to be Free From it

Denial will:

  • Allow you to continue to stay in a pit of darkness indefinitely.
  • Rob you of your peace.
  • Promote a delusional way of thinking where you believe your own lies and justify unjustifiable situations.
  • Eventually cause you to self-destruct.

Denial will not:

  • Bring resolution to any problem.
  • Change the facts of a situation.
  • Improve your life in any way.

Are you using denial as a coping mechanism? Denial falsely allows you to believe that if you don’t accept and deal with an unpleasant or painful situation, you don’t have to accept the truth and reality of it and therefore, it doesn’t exist. You blindly go about your life pretending everything is okay when it’s not masking your pain with the facade of joy and peace. This results in living a life of deception and will catch up with you as deception opens the door to more pain and difficulty to take root in your life.

By not facing truth and reality, the only thing you are accomplishing is holding yourself prisoner in your very own jail. You alone hold the key to escape out of your prison.

Soon you will see that avoiding whatever it is you don’t want to accept and burying it further and further inside you will only manifest into dysfunction in all other areas of your life. The more you prolong acceptance, the more detrimental denial is in your own life.

It will manifest into your mental state, your physical state, your relationships, your marriage, your home, your family and your overall peace.

Why not consider taking a new approach? There is a way out. Simply accept what is and face it head on!

Easier said than done, I agree. But once you begin by taking the very first step toward acknowledging that the denial must end and that you must now learn to cope with what placed you there to begin with, you are on your way to freedom! My advice comes from personal experiences resulting in many successful final outcomes motivating me to share it with you.

How? Here are a few easy and doable steps to freedom:

  1. You cannot do anything to improve your circumstances if you act in pride. Refusing help, guidance, truth, and reality will only keep you right where you are forever. Give yourself ample time to process the difficult situation, but do not stay there! As you begin to drop your pride, you will find that you are now able to humbly ask for help. As you do this, the main focus should be your freedom and revelation that the weight of the issue on your shoulders that you have been carrying for way too long will now be exchanged with a healthier way of coping with the problem. It won’t change the situation you have to deal with it, but it will drastically improve your quality of life as you navigate and accept the truth and reality of what you’ve been denying in a more objective and healthy manner. It will make a huge difference.

Proverbs 16:18 – Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.

  1. Seek wisdom. It’s amazing what we learn when we seek and thirst for wisdom and are ready to grow and be tested. The scales on our eyes are peeled away and light appears in the form of truth and understanding. Solicit advice from those who tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear – those are the people who truly care about your well-being. Those that speak with such boldness do it with your very best interest at heart, otherwise, they would not put themselves in such a vulnerable position of the possibility of your rejection and anger. This is a sign of true friendship – hold onto it dearly. It means they love you and want what’s best for you at any cost. This is where your humility will be tested. Do you accept the advice or do you resist? If you’ve checked your pride before soliciting advice, you’ll be sure to learn, consider new approaches, see things in a different light and be on your way to better understanding and dealing with your difficult situation. You’ll also be able to remove all emotional pain associated with it and cope merely based on facts and solutions and hit it head on. This is the difference between being a prisoner and being free.

Proverbs 27:5-6  – Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

Proverbs 4:6-7  6 Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.  7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

  1. Now that you have dropped your pride and searched for wisdom, you are on your way to freedom. Be assured that God has recognized your obedience thus far and is orchestrating all things to work out for your good as He works behind the scenes to send blessings your way. As you pray, remember to come boldly yet humbly before Him and ask Him to shield you with his protection, make a way where there seems no way, and guide you on the path that is His will for you as you allow Him to use you as His vessel in whatever it is He wants to accomplish through you in your trial.

Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

  1. Last but not least, wait for His timing. This is where He does a work in you and refines you like silver. He works on your patience, your trust, your faith, and your self-control. You cannot rush His timing. The level of your faith, trust and obedience will show God the true condition of your heart and whether or not you are ready to be promoted and blessed. Do not give up if you do not see instant results. The longer your situation lingers, the more you have to learn. Resolution only comes when God sees you have learned all the lessons He wanted to teach you. A willing and submissive heart will learn these lessons much quicker than those who stubbornly and defiantly give up before the lesson is learned. A failed lesson will only result in further testing.

Isaiah 40:31 – But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Zechariah 13:9 – And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested.

Be blessed as you accept what is and live in freedom!


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Rejected Reconciliation – What next?

This is a post that I’ve been looking to find somewhere else. I’ve been searching for answers to this burning question I’ve had for years: What if you know you’ve done everything in your power to resolve a conflict and still receive brutal rejection from a bully who wants to control even the outcome of a reconciliation?

I’ve sat through countless sermons on forgiveness and reconciliation. I’ve read God’s Word and am quite knowledgeable about His instructions on the matter. I honestly know it like the back of my hand. I fully understand it yet throughout each teaching I’ve heard, I always sit there on the edge of my seat, waiting for the part that instructs you on what to do when you’ve done all those things and are still up against a brick wall with someone.

That is the sermon I want to hear. That is the blog I want to read. That is the information I am searching for. I want to hear it from someone else. I want to read it from another perspective.

I have my thoughts on what to do in this scenario and since I can’t find anything on this topic, I’m going to go ahead answer my own question.

So, I am a bible believing Christian. I believe we are to be obedient to God’s Word in everything. I do my best to try to follow his Word. I am a Christian. That doesn’t translate to I am perfect. At least not for me. Some Christians, however, may feel this way, thus giving the rest of us a bad reputation.

I’ve learned a lot throughout my journeys. I was not always in tune with everything in God’s Word, but I always had deep solid convictions which always kept me on the right path. I’ve made mistakes but always came back to what I knew to be true about being obedient to God.

So, back to my question. What happens when you’ve done everything biblically correct? You’ve extended grace and mercy in such a way that you consciously put your own painful feelings aside from someone who has hurt you so deeply it has left a permanent scar on your brain because you know deep down inside that you are to do what is right in God’s eyes – not your own eyes. Pushing through your damaged psyche at the works of someone else’s hands and yet finding the grace to still reach out and attempt to wipe the slate clean in the spirit of peace and you are still met with a brand new fueled retaliation, an even more controlling and condescending tone from a verbally abusive bully.

Here’s my answer. It’s not me, it’s them. Plain and simple. I’ve wracked my brain over and over again trying to find answers as to why and how and everything in between. It’s very very simple. It was never about me.

Someone who refuses true peace and resolution from a humble and open heart clearly has some deep rooted issues of their own and it is no reflection on me. Someone who would rather defiantly hold their ground and refuses to compromise in any way as a demonstration of power shows how weak one really is. One who has a philosophy of “my way or no way” and equates peace to I rather be alone than abide by your stupid rules of mutual respect and kindness ends up on an island and a very lonely life. When allowed, bitterness will consume you and drive your reckless decisions and lead you to self-destruction.

Pride goes before a fall my friends and I am witnessing it before my very eyes. While it’s quite sad watching as someone continually makes poor decisions with a rebellious spirit of “I’ll do what I want!” it is so necessary and important to remove yourself as part of the equation because it has nothing to do with you. Stop taking other people’s poor behavior personally. You are not the issue. You never were. EVER!

With each ugly encounter I endured, I began to see more and more that it was never about me. With each act of humility I demonstrated toward peace that was brutally rejected, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. With each act of kindness I attempted from my heart that was brutally dismissed and mocked, the light became brighter and brighter.

If I fought, acted in the same manner, stooped to the hellish level of ugly I had been provoked to do, I would never know the depth of the issue that I had been dragged into. I would be part of the problem. But I never was, because I never stooped that low.

It took my acts of utmost humility for me to understand exactly what I was dealing with all along. Had I not had such humility in my efforts, I may have never understood the complexity of the darkness I was dealing with.

MAN! That statement above is so powerful and as I typed, it just effortlessly flowed out of me, it is a revelation of which I am so incredibly in awe of! It’s the answer to all my questions!

The reason I know this for sure is because I see the polarizing differences in our lives. My life is filled with blessing galore. Outside of a nasty conflict that we never wanted, tried to avoid and resolve for four years and never have been involved in anything even resembling the darkness we encountered with someone who has a continual flow of chaos and turmoil in their life, we are blessed with a very stable, peaceful life. We are not only blessed in the worldly realm but spiritually as well, which is most important. My family, children, and marriage all have God’s hands in them and that alone is proof that humility and obedience get rewarded.

It took me a long time to get here and I’m finally here. Healing. Not healed, because it’s a process but I’m on my way with a renewed mind.

Now, I want to take the lessons I learned and I want to desperately help all of you out there who have been wounded by mean-spirited people or by narcissistic sociopaths, and tell you it was never about you. Don’t allow anyone to change who you are because they have bitterness and hate in their heart. Don’t allow anyone to control, demean, belittle, verbally abuse and bully you – stand up and have a voice even if you are standing alone.

It is possible to be graceful and merciful and obedient to God while still standing up and demanding respect for yourself. Never stoop to a level that is beneath you. That’s on them, not you. God will vindicate the righteous – those that are obedient to his instructions.

Humility and obedience will get rewarded. Have patience for it to be revealed in your life as you continue to live in this manner. Any small kind act that is difficult for you to do toward someone who is not deserving is an act of humility and God will see it. You will be rewarded for it if you have a heart for doing what is right and not doing what you want and feel.

I am living proof of one who has walked in obedience when it was difficult and am seeing God’s blessing throughout my life. His promises are real and true!

Author’s Request: I’d really like to get more traffic on this blog and really need your assistance. If you find this blog to be helpful and insightful, please consider sharing it to your Facebook/Twitter, or other social media. If any of you are members of Facebook pages that deal with this topic, please post a link to this blog so I can reach more people. Thank you in advance for helping me attempt to help others who have been or are going through painful times in their lives.

Psalm 135:14
For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 29:23
One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.

James 4:6
God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.


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Attempting Peace with a Narcissist

Right off the bat, forgive me for using a title for this new post that is an oxymoron. It’s a contradiction of words. Peace and Narcissist do not belong in the same sentence. It’s like they need their own paragraphs…perhaps even their own chapters; that’s how far away peace and narcissist are from each other.

How do you bring reason to an unreasonable situation? How do you insert logic into an illogical mind? How do you begin to rationalize with someone so irrational?

Encounters with a narcissist are dizzyingly incomprehensible. Each and every encounter leaves your mind baffled and confused as it repeatedly asks, “What just happened?”

How can one strategically attempt to craft the correct words and actions, pre-planning every step of the way so as not to offend or anger someone who believes their land of delusion is reality and still be brutally shot down because it was once again not sufficient enough to satisfy their domination over you?

You finally think you’ve arrived at the precisely chosen peaceful, loving, merciful walk-on-eggshell verbiage in order to approach an unapproachable person for no other goal than to try to resolve situations which derived from absolute nonsense to begin with provoked and instigated by an overbearing controlling bully with a wacked ideology, only to be met with a new round of more demands, more belittling, more demeaning, and more control.

I’m really not that slow of a learner but why don’t I know this yet? Ugh. I think this time I finally get it.

It’s not because I’m unintelligent. It’s because of how I do life. I give others another chance. I give others the benefit of the doubt. I try to find the good in the bad. It’s the mentality by which I live by.

Here’s the revelation I finally get. I am trying to apply social graces, civility, normality, logic, and rationale to someone who doesn’t grasp the most basic common sense behaviors and norms that stable, healthy members of society live by. Whew! That’s a relief. I get it!

Yes, I get it. However…I still can’t process it and it’s still dizzyingly incomprehensible to me.

Keep on doing what is right and that includes removing unresolvable toxic relationships once and for all.

lowerstandards


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Inspiration. How I became a Blogger.

Where do bloggers get their inspiration? And what compels us to share our stories, talents, and passions with complete strangers on the internet? Some bloggers turn into authors and of course, many authors turn into bloggers.

Bloggers come in a variety of flavors and colors and are inspired for a multitude of reasons. Some are inspired by their desire to share their academic knowledge, their exciting adventures from traveling, or their hobbies, talents and passions from everything from cooking to photography and everything in between. Some blog about their life of opulence and indulgence, while others blog about the mundane life of common folk. Then there are those who are emotionally motivated to blog about their life experiences and share their stories birthed from either immense joy or unspeakable heartbreak and tragedy, all contributing to some really great reads. We blog about our transformations, our expectations, our realizations, and our perceptions. We blog to teach, inspire, share, and for some, to heal. Regardless of why we blog, we all have a story to tell. I’m excited to have entered into this world of blogging.

But what makes us bloggers want to write and share our stories with complete strangers that we will never meet? What makes us want to connect with people with whom all we’ll only receive is that highly-hoped-for LIKE or if we’re lucky, a brief reply?? The answers run the gamut depending on who you ask. For me, it’s the possibility of connecting with someone who, after reading my blogs, has a new way of looking at and responding to situations in their life. Also, it’s a way for me to share what I’ve learned through the pain of my trials and testify that goodness prevails over evil, that there is light in the darkness, you can turn a negative situation into something positive, and ultimately how to live in peace through it all, despite what we endure.

My blog is about my life experiences from the half century I have been fortunate to live on this earth. 40 of those years were what I would call uneventful. Not necessarily boring or unimportant by any means because through those years, some amazing things happened in my life. I gave birth to two amazing children, watched them grow up to be amazing young adults, putting God first and inspiring others to do the same by their choices and lifestyle. I have lived through the ups and downs of marriage and survived them all with a wonderful husband who has been by my side through sickness and in health and demonstrated a level of loyalty to me, our marriage and our family that wipes away anything negative that tried to come in and destroy it. I have been very fortunate to travel with friends, my family and alone with my husband, making memories that will last a lifetime.

Indeed, prior to the last decade, my 40 years on this earth were pretty good, sprinkled in with some trivial upsets. I was living a typical, normal, somewhat predictable life. I was blessed in many ways. Reflecting back now, I clearly see that the “upsets” I once thought were difficult to endure, were so very inconsequential. They always resolved themselves quickly and never produced any roadblocks, detours, nor did they require or prompt me to change, grow or give me a thirst for anything more. I was just getting by on what I had always known to be what I thought was enough. I didn’t know any other way and had no clue that I was completely mentally stagnant and robotically enduring day to day life, never realizing how much more there was to learn and how much further I was able to grow.

I certainly wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t great either. I never sought to become better because it never dawned on me that I was in need of any improvement. Not out of pride, but out of ignorance. I had never known anything other than what I was living, a life of complacency. I was unaware that my level of wisdom was halted because I wasn’t seeking any for there was nothing that motivated me to pursue it. I was seemingly satisfied and satiated with my level of knowledge despite the fact that it was incredibly lacking.

It wasn’t until I began to reflect on the many difficult trials I have faced within the past decade that I truly felt inspired to write a blog about my experiences and my true perspective on who I am, what I’ve learned, and what I now aspire to be. I’ve grown more in the past ten years of my life due to pain and heartbreak than I had grown in my previous 40 years of life prior to experiencing the reality and despair of true darkness as I now know it.

Yes, frighteningly, it wasn’t until tragedy and turmoil hit my life this past decade, heartbreak broke my spirit, uncertainty and fear ruled my life, and physical and emotional pain consumed every ounce of my being that I was propelled into wanting, needing and desperately desiring more in life. They were the driving force for my thirst for wisdom, knowledge and much-needed understanding in order to comprehend and learn how to cope with issues I never thought I would face.

No, my years of a normal, predictable, and blessed life mostly filled with joy and happiness with a few bumps in the road peppered in did not urge me into any reflection of who I was and how I was living nor prompt me to seek anything more. It was entirely due to my decade of despair and devastation.

That my friends is what my blog is all about. Healing, hoping, growth and peace through trials, tragedy and turmoil. My hope is to teach you how to turn your negatives into positives, bad situations into good, encourage you to never repay evil for evil, and learn how to relinquish control in situations where you have none in order to maintain your peace. I will share the knowledge that helped dig me out of a dark pit and enabled me to see the light again and who and what this light is that I now rely on and turn to when I’m in need of lifting up, guidance, and being an inspiration others. It’s to teach that when trouble inevitably comes in its many unique and devastating ways, there is a time to mourn, to feel, to react, but there is also a time of healing and recovery and to understand that we are never meant to stay there.

With wisdom comes humility in asking God what the purpose is of our trials and what lessons are we supposed to learn from them. When we come to the end of ourselves and stop doing it our way with our effort and allow God to mold and shape us through our trials into who He wants us to be in order to fulfill His will in our lives, we will indeed heal, grow and lead others to hope through their darkness.

 


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The Power of Hate. The Power of Love.

I cannot ever remember a time I was filled with such hate that it changed the course of my entire life. That it would be the sole driving force for all my decisions and the basis on which I live my life. I cannot remember because hate has never dominated my life.

But, I have witnessed how hate can destroy, divide, and blind those consumed by it.

I cannot imagine a hate so great that it would propel my pride to a level where no one else matters anymore but myself. A hate that demonstrates how I should react when I don’t get my way and/or how I should respond to those who do not see things like I do. A hate that hinders me from assessing my very own actions. That it would be so prevalent that it would seethe within me, take root, rule my emotions and dictate my every decision. A hate so deep that it would plummet me into a pit of darkness and blind me to the reality of the outcome of all my choices. A hate that instigates conflict, vulgarity and impulsive fits of rage without accountability. A hate so powerful it convinces me that my hate is good and love and peace are bad. That my hate would lead me to believe that not only am I entitled to it but that it is justified at any cost. And finally, that my hate is so consuming that Satan actually whispers in my ear that I am happy and at peace in my hate and I wholeheartedly believe it.

With a hate so encompassing, I would hope that I would fearfully ask, “Who is the source fueling this hatred within me and where is this power coming from?” You don’t need biblical wisdom to know that hate does not come from God. God is perfect love. This only leaves one other entity from which hate is derived. This dark power is very pleased watching as hate continues to be fed, justified, and projected all while dragging it’s victim into a deeper, darker pit that is inescapable without God’s intervention, the intercession of prayer, and deliverance from this bondage.

John 8:44
….when he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

In love, there is light, hope, and a future. Love is an open door. Love makes you grateful, thankful and empathetic. It wishes the best for others. Love promotes peace and harmony and strives for resolution and reconciliation. Love puts others first. Love shows mercy. Love requests, not demands. Love doesn’t control, it grants freedom. Love repairs relationships and unites.

In hate, there is darkness, despair, and no future. Hate is a closed door. Hate is engulfed in chaos and turmoil. Hate is bitterness and resentment. It is envious of others. Hate is selfish. Hate refuses to compromise and refuses peace. Hate controls, manipulates and dictates. Hate breaks relationships and divides.

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The power of love is so much greater and offers so much more. Love can only be attained through humility whereas hate is derived from pride. Love and peace come from all things good. God is the source of love and peace. If you are serving God, you know peace and love. You are led by the Holy Spirit through convictions on how to react, respond and behave. The exact opposite can be said for hate. If you are serving Satan, hate is all you know. Hate comes from darkness. The powers of darkness too can lead your way of life. The more you feed these powers of darkness, the stronger the dark power will be over you. You feed darkness by your disobedience to God, your pride, ungodly choices and/or lifestyle, and what is in your heart. These are just a few things that open the door to Satan’s power in your life. And yes, you can and will open a door to Satan into your life by your choices. The same with God…you can receive his abundant blessings if you choose to follow Him and be obedient to His Word. It’s that simple.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Hate comes from brokenness and many times it is a reflection of the realization of the emptiness and pain in one’s life. It helps justify denial. Healthy people strive for resolution and have no room for hate in their lives. Hateful people want to remain where they are. Hating someone is never a healthy result of a conflict. Communication, resolution, and ultimately true peace should be the goal.

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Love can be very difficult at times and it requires much prayer and discipline. If someone has caused you pain, love will not come naturally from our flesh. Love is driven by the Holy Spirit within you and only through prayer. Hate is very easy. Hate requires nothing but our selfish, fleshly desire to serve ourselves and driven by the powers of darkness.

1 Peter 4:8
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins

How do you love someone who has caused great pain? This cannot and will not be achieved on our own. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to lead us to forgiveness. We must remember that God grants mercy to the undeserving, and that would be you and me. Though difficult, we must do the same.

Matthew 5:7
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

James 2:13
Because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

The Bible. It’s filled with wisdom and keeps me in line. If you are asking yourself, where do I begin in reading the Bible? Proverbs and Psalms are filled with wisdom and guidance on how we should live our lives. If you’re seeking wisdom, you will find it. Once you are finished with those, you will have a thirst for more and God will lead you.

We all have a choice between being loving or hateful. It all depends on what force we allow to rule our life…goodness or evil. It’s our free will to choose, but all our choices come with consequences, either here on earth or eternally. I choose goodness and I choose God. No one will ever have such power over me as to make me disobey and turn my back on the God of my many blessings. This is not accomplished through my own efforts, because if it was, I’d fail miserably. It is only attainable through God’s grace and mercy which He has bestowed upon me so that I may bestow it upon others. I am undeservingly forgiven every day, through a great price that Jesus paid for me…and for you. I must make an effort, with His help, to do the same.