I’m an INFJ.
Because my mind has been overwhelmingly boggled for the past four years dealing with some of the most insane conflicts I’ve ever been a part of with one individual, notice I said, one individual, I often ask myself, “could it be me?” I have questioned my behavior, my motives, and my intentions over and over again, second guessing who I actually am. I mean, I know who I am, who I’ve always been, what I stand for, and what I don’t like the back of my hand. I’ve been this person for half a century. However, an emotionally and mentally unstable individual has an insidious power to place incredible doubt in the minds of even the most stable people. Unknowingly, I absorbed many of the false accusations and the now crystal clear and evident projections onto myself. I even questioned my own logic which I derive from society’s norm of what a healthy relationship is: common courtesy, mutual respect, accountability, empathy, and basic human kindness.
I started asking myself if I were the things that were so brutally projected onto me. It consumed me. It made me paranoid, especially around others. I became so very quiet and careful to not say the wrong things. If I did say things, I’d over analyze them wondering if I offended anyone. If I thought I had, I’d go out of my way to explain myself. I gave someone who has a history of chaos and turmoil and broken and divided relationships the power to mentally and emotionally wound me to the point where I didn’t even know myself. The lies circled in my head. I became overly sensitive to criticism fearing I was yet again at fault and failing those around me.
There was one (among many) hurtful false accusation that left me wondering who I am. “Do I over-talk people? Do I interrupt? Do I not listen?” Today, I can confidently and boldly answer, “No, I do not!
I’ve been told by many that I am a great listener and I offer incredible advice. Friends have confided great personal issues with me and sought my advice because they have told me that due to my inspirational nature on how I’ve gracefully and triumphantly handled past trials, they value my opinion. These “friends” are in greater number than just one individual’s warped opinion of me.
I soon came to learn and understand that my “over-talking” my “interrupting,” and my “not listening” translated to, “I don’t want to hear anything from you while I’m in the process of bullying you, verbally abusing you, personally attacking you, and controlling the circular conversation going nowhere. If you shut it down by any dialogue whatsoever by trying to reason with me, disagree with me or attempt to interject any civility then I will lose control. Do you understand that when you speak, it takes away from my time to demean and belittle you and I risk you exposing my nonsense? You must understand that I must be in control and show you how powerful I am and the only way to do this is by being abusive and blaming you for everything so I accuse you of over-talking me and interrupting me so you will be terrified to speak any further and then I once again can have total and complete control over you, the conversation and the situation.”
So, a few days ago, out of curiosity and to dismiss any doubt in my mind as to who I am, I googled “personality tests” and took a few. Each time, my tests results confirmed I was an INFJ. This stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.
I became intrigued with finding out what exactly this means and have read countless articles. To my delight, I found out I am indeed a caring, loving, nurturing person. In fact, the INFJ is known as “The Counselor.” Some character traits about INFJ’s are:
While our character is complex and we only make up less than 2% of the population, we are strong humanitarians. We are idealists, doers, and dreamers. Our rare combination of vision and practicality often results in us taking on a disproportionate amount of responsibility in various causes to Status which so many of us are drawn into. We are deeply concerned about our relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large and are inherent givers. We are generally well-suited to the “inspirational” professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership as well as psychology and counseling. Our strengths are in communication and writing as well as listening. Another article actually described INFJ’s as having a “pleasant conversation style.” We are people who are passionate about helping those in need. We go to great lengths to avoid conflict. We are warm and affirming by nature as well as dedicated, loyal and nurturing. We have a high expectation of ourselves and others and seek long-lasting relationships. (http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/infj)
(More information on INJF’s here: http://introvertspring.com/the-worlds-rarest-personality-infj-type-decoded/)
It is sad that I actually had to search for who I am as a person on the internet because of the emotional and mental damage someone else did to me due to their own instability. I had to take multiple personality tests just to prove to myself that I am who I say I am and I am a good person and my intentions are good – always. In my research, I’ve learned that it’s those of us who are empaths, seek to avoid conflict, put others first, are flexible and easy going, and attempt to keep the peace at all costs are the ones who typically get taken advantage of the most and narcissistic people are drawn to us because we’re easy to manipulate.
I encourage you to take some of these free personality tests if you have even the slightest feeling of guilt or are questioning who you are because of what someone has done or said to you. (Some links are below.)
For those of us who do have good intentions and mean no harm in our relationships, we should always still practice self-reflection. While we are caring, loving, and well-intended people, we are not perfect. If you are convicted about any shortcomings within a relationship, for God’s sake, own it. Own it and make it right. That’s how healthy people handle things. But never take the blame for something that is not your fault.
My definitive conclusion is for those of us who feel any guilt over a broken relationship, are beyond confused as to how things evolved into such chaos, are wondering if we are to blame, and are searching for answers to the dynamics of a situation that is completely foreign to us in order to try to understand it fully, then we are not the problem. People with the problem don’t think they have a problem so they will do no research to fix themselves because they don’t believe they are in need of any fixing.
Here is some information on the personality tests:
The purpose of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) personality inventory is to make the theory of psychological types described by C. G. Jung understandable and useful in people’s lives. The essence of the theory is that much seemingly random variation in the behavior is actually quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment. For more information, visit: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/
Free personality tests:
Please share your thoughts and results of your Personality Test in the comments. I would also love to hear if you feel that if you are an INFJ, you’ve been subjected to being taken advantage of too due to your flexible, good nature.